Pondering Design

Each door of the two bathrooms of my favorite Thai restaurant is marked with a different south east asian glyph. Presumably one glyph denotes males and one females. I have no idea which is which, but I always use the bathroom to the right. It seems not to matter because the bathroom is so dimly lit that it's impossible to tell whether the previous users peed on the seat, let alone whether they did so standing up or sitting down. The sink is a trough and the water flow from its spigot is, I believe, motion generated. I say, "I believe," because, despite my optimism and credible rendition of the macarena and watusi, I've always had to resort to Purell. There is a mirror over the trough, but rather than reflecting my image, it reveals a hologram of Teppanom angel whom I've never met, don't give a rat's ass about and doesn't need her lipstick adjusted. As I finish my pad thai, I wonder if the bathroom designer had a cosmic plan or was stoned on ganja. I am able to argue out of both sides of my mouth by shifting the noodles from right to left. Cosmic Plan: Unintelligible glyphs facilitate random meetings between sexes. Love blossoms. Dim lighting has dual benefit--it encourages hot sex between blossoming lovers and compels users to clean toilet seat before each use. Foster love and save on labor costs. No water in sink. No drips on floor. No one slips. Liability insurance unnecessary. Hologram of Thai angel. Reminder to patrons they're not at the Second Avenue Deli. Stoned on ganja: Unintelligible glyphs. Awesome, man. Dim lighting. Like more awesome. No water in sink. Like even more awesomer. Hologram of Thai angel. Like awesome off the charts. You're right. I should confine my dining to the Second Avenue Deli. There, I know I'm in the women's bathroom because I can see the woman who peed on the seat putting on her lipstick at the mirror.