I've Finally Done It!

I've been wanting to start a blog for years, but I had performance anxiety. Not about finding the right words to put to the page. Not about divulging my true opinions to friends who had previously thought of me as an incredibly nice person. Not about revealing my idiosyncracies to strangers. But about being unable to perform technologically. I have a love-hate relationship with computers. On the love side, they provide me with jokes, e-mails and potions to enhance my penis. Okay, I don't have a penis, but if I did, potions could change my life. On the hate side, they confuse me, don't listen to me, mystify me and make me feel old, infirm and feeble minded.
I steeled myself to start a blog a week ago. Not having used my Google account for months, Google sent me a "security" graphic of weirdly distorted letters. If I could correctly type them, Google would let me start a blog. I don't know why a vision/typing test would confirm my identity for Google, but it seemed like a piece of cake. I was wearing my contacts; my vision was within the sighted range. I typed what I saw. Google told me I was incorrect and sent me another graphic. This one was harder than the first. I got it wrong again. Google sent me a third graphic which I'm not sure contained the English alphabet. Since I was wrong three times, they asked me to answer my security question: What was your first phone number? I typed "IN2-3300. " This was my phone number for the first twenty years of my life. It's tattooed on my mitochondria. Apparently the tattoo artist made a booboo, because Google informed me I had failed the security tests and was barring me from my account.
Except for a ceramics course, I'd never failed a test in my life. I felt moronic, but I wasn't going to be defeated so easily. I went to a wonderful blogging site,"diaryland" which did not require me to decipher and transcribe hieroglyphics before I began blogging. So I blogged. For 1 and 1/2 hours. I was brilliant. I was just into the meat of the blog, when my entry disappeared into the ether. Despite frantic missives to the "contact us," black hole, my diaryland blog is gone.
So here I am on Google. I'll spare you how I got here, but, let me just say, it pays to have friends in the right places. I don't, but I hope to one day. I no longer have blog-block and if I can figure out how to access my blog tomorrow, you'll hear from me then.