Reality Bites

If someone woke you up at 4 in the morning from a dead sleep and asked you how old you were, what would you say? I would say "35." I'm not 35, but there is a disconnect between how old I feel mentally and how old I actually am. I'm stunned when I buy an airline ticket and develop arthritis in my index finger scrolling back 400 years to my year of birth. I'm astonished that people born in 1990 are more than two years old. And how is the Vietnam War history and not current events? I'm on zoom 12 times a day. With the appropriate filter applied , I could pass for 35. Well maybe not 35, but definitely no more than 45. And in the 20 watt lighting my deranged designer installed in my bathroom, I look no older than my law school graduation picture. Apparently, there's a large gulf between how old I look and how old I think I look. At McDonald's,when I order coffee, the 14 year old cashiers type in "senior " without my asking for it. I save 9 cents, which is nice, but I'd rather they viewed me as "junior." On the LIRR, the conductors never ID me when I ask for a senior ticket. Of course I want the senior discount (since it's hefty,)but I want them to be incredulous that I qualify. Yesterday, an old lady gave me a seat on the bus. I wished her dead and took the seat. My friends should provide a reality check. I've known them 40 years, so unless I met them even before I was in utero, I must be more than 35. But they all look the way they did when I met them...give or take a few pounds. It's not my myopia or cataracts. Other people their age look old and decrepit. Not my friends.They look youthful and radiant. But, and this is a big but: they have children who are over 35 and some of their children have children. They cannot wake up in the middle of the night and say they're 35.Their children provide undeniable proof that they are entitled to senior coffee, senior fare and a seat on the bus. I have no such proof. So if you wake me in the middle of the night and ask me my age, I will say "35" and then kill you for having woken me up. A 35 year old needs her beauty sleep.