Perspective

I am not unaware that many people have died, are dying and will die because of Covid 19. I may even die of it. But the spectre of death is not what's making me lose sleep. It's the problems that are concomitant with it. You might call them trivial, first world or even idiotic. But that's because they're my problems, not yours. Were they yours, I would have no doubt you too would lose sleep over them. So that neither I nor the world would forget how trying these days of epidemic have been for me, I kept a contemporaneous diary of my issues and resultant loss of sleep: March 6- I cancel my trip to Aruba. No sleep lost, but Delta tells me I have to use the credit by August 18. Will I be able to go ANYWHERE by August 18? 2 hours lost each night for a week until Delta tells me I have until December 21, 2021 to use credit. March 8-I'm supposed to take my temperature if I feel sick. I don't feel sick, but have no thermometer. (Last time my temperature was taken was by my mother. I was 10 and it was a rectal thermometer.) Maybe I am sick and don't feel sick. Lost 2 nights' sleep. March 10 bought thermometer at CVS. Afraid to take temperature because what will I do if I am sick. Hospital is last place I want to be. March 17-Announcement that all but essential services will be shut. Will liquor stores be open? Have only two bottles left and one is rose which I hate. Whew. Somebody very smart deems liquor stores essential. Lost out on a nap while awaiting the news. Immediately ordered two cases of wine. March 18-No stamps left. Order stamps on line. It's now May7 and they still haven't come. Hate the USPS. Lost 1/2 hour a night for a month hating the post office and wishing them bankrupt. March 25-I realize stamps will never arrive . Can't pay bills. Must set up on line banking. Try Capital One's website 15 times. Can't add payees. Lost one night's sleep. Tried the next morning. Done. Able to enter 21st century. March 27- young neighbors offer to shop and run errands for me. How old do they think I am? I go to Trader Joe's and say I'm over 60. They let me right in despite the mile long line to get in. I feel bad because the store didn't card me, but realize the door monitors can't see my face because I'm wearing a mask. Nor can they see my roots since I'm wearing a hat. So I don't feel so bad and think I might offer to do shopping for my younger neighbors since I don't have to wait on line. I don't make the offer and feel guilty for not doing so. One night's sleep lost. March 31-Is it safe to have my cleaning lady come? 2 nights' sleep lost until building issues new rule- No cleaning ladies. April 1- Dare I go to West Side Market or should I get a delivery? I get delivery and worry that the bags are contaminated and I've gotten the Corona virus by touching them. 2 nights' sleep lost. April 2-Apartment is filthy. Rug is covered with crust of dust and cat fur. Must vacuum and have never used vacuum. Can I learn how to turn it on? I think I can. It must have an on/off switch. Can't find the manual. One night's sleep lost. Look up manual on line. Find the switch. Turn it on, but may have broken vacuum. (Which is carpet, which is floor? Toggle is VERY confusing) Additional night's sleep lost. April 3- Grocery shopping is a horrible experience. If I'm getting a delivery , I have to stay up past midnight to get a slot within the year 2020. I go to a store and a cougher a foot away is showering me with corona aerosol. So, I'm rationing my chicken, in order to shop less often. Last night had dry roasted peanuts for dinner. Lost 2 hours sleep because I was very thirsty. April 12 -I order an oximeter. The New York Times tells me I must have one. I immediately get an email that it was shipped. Don't have it by May 1. Check website. It's in Chinese. Oximeter is coming from China. I email the company using google translate. They tell me the flights are full and they're sorry for the delay.Flights are full of oximeters? I lose 3 nights' sleep thinking I'll die because I can't tell my oxygen level. I decide to buy one at a surgical supply store. Now I have two. May 8- It is evident that this period of stress is not ending anytime soon. The bad news is that every day there is at least one issue that causes me to lose sleep. Yesterday my dishwasher broke. The building will not let in a repairman. I have to wash dishes my hand and my hands are already raw from frequent washing. I lost 2 hours sleep thinking that it was my old lady hands that gave me away at Trader Joe's. The good news is that while going through life in a zombie state would have cramped my style pre-Covid 19, now I can be in a semi coma without it cramping my style at all. I have nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to see. Despite my lack of sleep, I maintain the ability to put on my mask right side up to throw out the garbage and that is all that's demanded of me. I'm now happy and grateful. This epidemic has lowered my bar for happiness: The Nazis aren't chasing me into the woods(or worse,); I'm not homeless and ; most important, I'm not dead.