If you thought this blog was going to detail my renovation woes, I am so sorry to disappoint. It's been a year since I last blogged and I thought I'd start fresh with new subject matter. So I won't tell you about the light fixtures for the terrace which cost $882.40 , failed the NYC electrical inspection and are now gathering dust in my basement storage unit. Nor will I tell you that I am stumbling around my living room with a cane and learning braille, since the architect totally ignored my insistence on bright lighting and ordered sconces providing 40 watts of light. I will definitely not tell you about the cabinet grills which were put in lopsided , the sinks that didn't fit and the closet that was mismeasured. I will not talk about the moving and storage company that damaged every single piece of furniture I gave it. But above all, I will not mention that I'm not finished. What I will tell you, is that I am a new person as a result of the renovation. Not because my house looks particularly different. It doesn't. And not because I have considerably less money earning .0018% in the bank Although that is the case. And not because I aged about 5 decades in two years and I'm being asked if I want the senior discount at McDonald's. Although that is also the case. I now marvel at things I used to take for granted. The Whitney museum started construction the same time I did. 7 stories , 25 foot ceilings , 50 galleries, 500000 square feet. My apartment: uniplex, 8'ceilings, 800 square feet. The Whitney is open for business. I'm tripping over paint cans. Am I bitter that my tiny apartment took more time to renovate that it took to build a world class museum? Not at all. I'm too busy marveling. The number 7 train was extended to Hudson Yards overnight. How did they do that? Did they use voodoo? Should I have used voodoo? Am I envious? Not at all. I'm still marveling. And marveling even more because I don't know of anyone who'll ever use the station that's practically in Weehauken. I now understand things I didn't understand. I was previously perplexed that the Second Avenue Subway was still not completed after 80 years. Now I appreciate that it would be a miracle if it were completed in 100 years. And that cathedral in Barcelona, still not completed after 100 years? They're probably still trying to relocate a telephone cable. I have a new perspective on money. Prior to the renovation, I thought the wealthy and governments were profligate with money. Now, the $827 million it cost the Rajah to build the Taj Mahal looks like a Black Friday special. I haven't kept a running account, but I'm sure I spent more than that. The federal budget for this year is 3.8 trillion and that's for our entire country, not just a two bedroom apartment. I may have spent more than that but I'm not sure since I don't know what a trillion is. Although the renovations are costly, painful, aging, depressing and anxiety producing, I refuse to dwell on the negatives and will instead, impart to you what I've learned. Lesson One: Don't ever renovate. You're a fuckin' moron if you do. Lesson Two: Don't ever renovate. You're a fuckin' moron if you do. Need I say it again ?