Location, location, location

Hackers broke into my e-mail, hijacked my e-mail address and informed most of my contacts that "sadly, I had been mugged in Wales and all my money had been taken."
Some might view having their e-mail pirated as a negative; I found it enlightening.
I was at work when I received the first of 273 calls from the e-mail's recipients. 15 called to tell me I'd been hacked. Three, having just seen me the previous day, wanted to know how I got to Wales and back so fast. Had they reinstated the Concord? 252 others whined that I hadn't told them I was going to Wales. National Public Radio, United Jewish Appeal and New York Law School called to ask if I would still honor my pledge.
No one sent "me" money. Frankly, that made me feel a little bad. Don't my nearest and dearest care about me? I'm stranded in a foreign country where they barely speak English and have no vowels. Do they want me to get a job as a shepherd?
If you ever receive an e-mail from me, saying "I have been mugged in India.., " stand forewarned that the e-mail is not from me and that I have again been hacked. I understand from many of you that India is fascinating, but the sub-continent ranks just below Somalia on my list of must-see places to visit.
I have had only pleasant experiences with Indians in the U.S. I love curry. A little dysentery might be good for the waistline. I will never go to India because there is not enough blood pressure medicine in all the CVSs and Duane Reades combined to keep me from getting a stroke there. A billion people speaking what they believe to be English and I believe to be gibberish, instructing me on how to repair my computer.Their instructions unintelligible. My computer ornamental, Lest you think me nuts, I do realize that the entire population of India is a)unlikely to speak English; b) to provide me with unsolicited computer instruction. But, "May I help you Madam," said with a polite Indian accent is only slightly more pleasing to my ear that my doctor saying,"Now we're going to stick this tube up your rectum."
Saturday night I was out to dinner with my cousins. You know how people in a movie theatre loudly comment to their bffs about the on the action on the screen? You think they're inconsiderate morons and want them dead. They are morons and I still want them dead, but I've come to learn they are not inconsiderate. They're sick. They have location amnesia ("LA".) They think they're home with friends watching Netflix. I succumbed to LA Saturday. Performing a stellar rant about call center employees in India, I was startled by my cousin D reprimanding me with "Sh-h. Remember where you are." Oh right. An Indian restaurant.
After the 2000 election, Florida was on my no-fly-to list. Bill, from Verizon's Flordia fix-it location, restored my e-mail. Want to come with me to Ket West?