Consumer Cellular's Secret Plan

You may have wondered why Consumer Cellular, a cell service provider that purports to offer the exact same service as the major providers at half the price, markets exclusively to seniors, in particular medicare recipients and AARP members. Wouldn't both young and old want avoid to turning over their entire paycheck to Verizon? Isn't it obvious Consumer Cellular(hereinafter CC) would increase its profits if it advertised on The Bachelor as well as Jeopardy. Well,in the last 36 hours, I learned that profits are not CC's goal. Euthanasia of the over 50 population is the goal. Not by the usual means depicted in murder mysteries-smothering the bitter old lady with a pillow, injecting insulin into a soon to be released from the hospital delightful grandpa. CC's methods are more subtle and almost undetectable. They drive the seniors to apoplexy, causing strokes, heart attacks and finally death . They tried to do it with me, but because of heroic efforts of two renegade emloyees, I was saved from the jaws of death . Here's how CC's scheme unfolded. Some of my friends raved about CC. They said they reduced their cell bill from $60 to $25. I called CC and was instructed to trade in my old phone to Apple and get my new one(I was splurging for an Iphone 14). They explained they would send me a sim card, but I wouldn't be able to use it, because the IPhone 14 has an "e-sim card." They would walk me through the set up. The rep took all by vitals including my email. I turned in my IPhone 7 to Apple, got a credit for it, Apple wiped it clean and I bought the IPhone 14 which cost roughly the same as a studio apartment. I called CC on my landline for the set up. The 1st rep...and there were many after her...said" I'll send the QR code to your phone." I explained I was calling from my landline and had no working cell phone, since I had turned my old phone in to Apple. She said "Ok, I'll send it to your email." I don't know why I asked what email she had for me. Perhaps I have a sixth sense, although if I had a sixth sense it would have told me not to use CC. Anyway, she had a hotmail address for me and was incredulous when I told her I've NEVER had a hotmail address and would NEVER have told anyone I had a hotmail address. "That's unfortunate; I'm so sorry, but the system won't let me change your email address. " Then I became, what is a pretty name, but currently a pejorative term, a Karen. I asked to speak to her supervisor. Her supervisor, Kevin, repeated the CC mantra, "the system won't let me." I asked to speak to his supervisor. He put me on a brief hold of 1/2 hour, came back and said, "We have to research it and it has to go through a review ." " I screamed THERE'S NOTHING TO REVIEW OR RESEARCH. YOUR EMPLOYEE WROTE DOWN AN INCORRECT EMAIL ADDRESS FOR ME. He came back with "We have to review where we made errors, so that we can do better. I screamed NOT MY PROBLEM. "The review will take 2 to 3 days." I told him that was unacceptable and to call me back in 1/2 hour. When he didn't, I called CC back and explained I was supposed to get a callback and the rep I spoke to put me on hold for 15 minutes. When she got back on the line, she told me Kevin probably didn't call me back in 1/2 hour because he was in a different time zone, 3 hours earlier than NY. I said, 1/2 hour is the same in any time zone and hung up, realizing that it would be more productive to bang my head against the wall. At this point, I was wishing that the imbecile who had given me a hotmail address, had included my blood pressure among my vitals. My blood pressure had been 120/70. It was now at least 190/130 and my heirs could use the documented increase in the wrongful death suit that would surely ensue. I called back, again asked for a supervisor and this time got Cody, who said she would get someone to do a "work around" so my email could be changed. She promised to call me back in two hours to tell me what was happening and, in fact did. But either she was exhausted by changing my email or knew that changing the email wasn't going to be the end of the story, but she had to get off the phone and told me now that my email was changed, anyone could set up my phone.Believe it or not, there were many more exchanges with reps and supervisors, most of whom, put me on hold for a minimum of 20 minutes after which the line disconnected. Two came back after my holds and said they were so sorry,thanked me for my patience, but that a QR code could not be sent to email. "The system wouldn't allow it." I was attempting to switch to CC because I hate Verizon (and wanted to save money,) but Verizon was starting to look wonderful. At 9 that night, I decided to make a last ditch effort with CC. By now, my head was throbbing, my hear was pounding and I had developed tics in both my shoulder and left eye. I called, told supervisor John my tale of woe and said, if the system won't let you send the QR code to my email so I get CC service(which from my experience so far I can see is stellar,) please release my phone from CC's clutches so that I can go back to Verizon, since CC, although purporting to be a cell service provider is unable to provide me with service. He responded,"Gee, the system won't let me send the transfer pin no. and account no. to email. So no, I can't get you out of our system and back to Verizon. Let me put you on a brief hold." I was on the brief hold for 40 minutes and was disconnected. I called back CC and they were closed for the day. At this point, it was only the thought of leaving my cat an orphan that prevented me from jumping off the terrace. Although I lived a good part of my life without a cell phone, I could not imagine life without wordle and spelling bee on the phone. My head hurt, my heart raced and my blood pressure exceeded the numbers on the dial of the sphygmomanometer. CC almost had me where it wanted me...dead, but not quite. The next morning (mornings, even on the bleakest days are filled with hope)I called CC and got Jessica. She promised to work on my problem with her supervisor,Cameron, and call me back. She did. Either Jessica and her supervisor Cameron were absent the training days that CC taught the mantra and indoctrinated the employees in the company's ultimate goal-the annihilation of seniors. Or they were present and conspired to thwart the company's secret plan. They sent the QR code to my email. I now have cell service. I will be eternally grateful for their actions, but I feel terrible that because of their selfless actions on my behalf, they will undoubtedly be fired, if they haven't been already. And, I never though I'd say this, stick with Verizon. It gives great service.(Everything is relative.)