A Modern Day Dilemma

I know all the reasons I'm supposed to hate Jeff Bezos. He's vilified by my friends for being a billionaire, underpaying his workers, giving nothing to charity, putting local stores out of business, polluting the environment with his cartons and paying less in taxes than they do. As a matter of principle-the principle being that one shouldn't support such an evil man - my friends won't become prime members. (Not worried about my having sold my soul to the devil,they will, however, stream TV from my Amazon Prime account and order emergent essentials like a plastic strainer for kefir curds or a waterproof dog blanket for a semi-incontinent cat.) But, unlike my ethical friends, I don't hate Jeff. I LOVE him. He is the genie I always wanted. Raised on 1950s TV, I thought all genies lived in a lamp. But Jeff, my genie, lives inside my computer. I think of an item that I really, really want...desperately and immediately. A callus remover, for example. I push a button and like magic, it appears in my lobby the next day. My feet go from repulsive to beautiful in 24 hours, all because of Jeff. I know people will say he's a mercenary pig and he fulfills my every wish, not because he's a benevolent genie, but because he's making money off of materialistic jerks like me. But I beg to differ. When I urgently needed a nutribullet, received it and realized there was no way in hell that I would ever use it since it's for making shakes and I don't like shakes, Jeff said,"I'll refund your money, but keep the overpriced shaker anyway. It may come in handy." Would a mercenary pig be so magnanimous? Let me now talk about the origins of the Covid 19 pandemic. I know this seems like an abrupt switch in gears, but bear with me. As of now, scientists are not sure where or how it started. Maybe in a wet market in Wuhan in a pangolin or raccoon dog. Or maybe not. Possibly in a bat. Or possibly not. But I have watched enough detective shows(many on Amazon, in fact) to know that when you want to find the culprit, you follow the money. And as far as I know, pangolins, bats and raccoon dogs are not getting rich from the pandemic. It's possible they have Swiss bank accounts, but unlikely. Who is getting rich from the pandemic? Need you ask? My genie, Jeff. Due to the pandemic, local stores closed. You could not go to your usual purveyor of plastic kefir curd strainers or waterproof dog blankets because their stores were shuttered. Your sole recourse was to buy them on Amazon. True, the evidence against Mr. Bezos is merely circumstantial , but pretty damning. So, as you may have noted, given my love of Jeff as my wish fulfiller on the one hand and my strong suspicion of Jeff as the mad scientist who started the pandemic on the other hand, I am torn. When he was just a selfish billionaire, I could rationalize paying $130 a year for instant gratification and a great streaming channel. But if he started the pandemic ,and I keep paying Amazon because I am selfish and acquisitive, I will really have crossed over to the dark side. Aw, F**K it. I'm staying on the dark side.