TSA Redux

Having been elevated to Olympus by the TSA at LaGuardia, I was, only 6 days later at the Fort Lauderdale airport, returned by that same agency to Hades. No longer one of the "pre-screened," I was once more shuffling shoe-less on a long slow line. The median age on the line was 86. In front of me was an elderly man in a wheel chair accompanied by an aide. I'm not great at guessing age, but he looked to be about 120. The TSA agent asked, "Are you over 75?" The man said, "101." The TSA agent said, "Over 75 you don't have to remove your shoes. I do need you to take off your belt, stand up and walk through the metal detector." I don't think this man had stood up in 20 years. But he was obedient and shuffled the 5 feet to the metal detector. Both the passengers and the security personnel appeared used to the rhythm and pace of the line: shuffle, shuffle, stop. shuffle, shuffle, shuffle stop. No one complained. Savvy passengers arrived four hours before their departure time. I trust our government. Okay. We were lied to about Vietnam. The government is illegally tapping my calls to the Iraqi podiatrist. The dogs at Abu Graib were over the top. But the government's prime mission, I have no doubt, is our safety. It must have criteria by which it sorts us for screening. Last Thursday and yesterday I wore the identical clothes, so it can't be the apparel. Between Thursday and yesterday,the only nefarious activity I engaged in was staying longer than 20 minutes in the hot tub, so it can't be my conduct. Last Thursday I printed my boarding pass and was pre-screened. Yesterday, I had my boarding pass on my phone and was slow-screened. So it must be the high tech boarding pass. They must deduce that if you can get the boarding pass onto the phone, you are more likely to know how to set off a bomb than someone who prints their boarding pass. That would be sound logic, but for the fact, that I would never have gotten the boarding pass onto my phone had my friend, M., not done it for me. To insure the validity of the boarding pass criterion, the TSA screener should really ask "Did you get the boarding pass on the phone yourself, or did someone do it for you?" Either the AARP has a powerful lobby or the TSA has studied the issue and determined (a) that there are no actual or potential shoe bombers over the age of 75 or (b)that requiring the over 75s to remove their shoes would bring air travel to a standstill. But does the government have an algorithm(whatever that is) that demonstrates that centenarians with aides may actually be terrorists with their accomplices? What appears to be a buckle holding up the gentleman's pants at chest level, may actually hold an elaborate weapon system? It must. As I noted, I trust the government.