TSA

Overnight, I morphed from a potential shoe bomber to a patriotic American. Yesterday, flying mandated a preparatory exercise regimen of 10 minutes per day balancing on my right foot while tying the shoe laces on my left sneaker and then switching sides.(I only toppled twice.)It necessitated decanting my b-curly hair product into a 3 oz. plastic container,buying a microscopic bottle of conditioner costing twice as much as thee 32 oz. economy size and placing them together with my .09 oz toothpaste in a clear plastic baggie. I diligently followed the same regimen before my latest flight. Ready to strut my stuff, I ambled over to the TSA agent.She mumbled something and pointed to another line where I anticipated a cavity search. The TSA agent there said,"you're pre-screened." "What does that mean,"I inquired. ""You don't have to take off your shoes." "Do I have to to put my cosmetics and i pod in the tray?" "No. Just remove your jacket." No longer a terrorist, I was a loyal citizen. Cocky,smiling, I sauntered through the metal detector. Don't judge me by what I'm about to say. You know I abhor racial profiling. But when the swarthy man with the Arafat schmatte on his head and the bulge of an uzi under his djellabah was also directed to the loyal citizen line and boarded my flight, it did give me pause.

Making a Difference

I've always aspired to make a difference. I would have gone to Africa with Bill Gates to eradicate dracunculiasis, but (a) I'd have to take shots; (b) there are no private latrines and (c)ballet classes are reputed to be subpar, although they are alot cheaper than Broadway Dance. I've written checks to worthy causes, but I suspect that my yearly check to Citymeals on Wheels would have to be at least twice as generous to completely eliminate world hunger. I have been troubled by my failure to change the world. What would the New York Times obituary writer say when my time came? "A lawyer for a Verizon,a Fortune 100 company, she saved her client millions of dollars by winning lawsuits against people who were grievously injured when, failing to look where they were going, they tripped over wires." Would that get me into heaven? Into "The Lives They Lived?" Yesterday, I learned that I need no longer be plagued by inadequacy. I have changed one life in a very important way. I didn't preach or lecture. I taught by example. When shopping with "L" in BJ's, she said she was buying herring in cream sauce because hers had expired, I said,"I use mine well past the expiration date and I haven't died yet." Not wanting to appear a know it all, when she replaced her expired tunafish salad with a new container, I remained silent. But, being extremely intelligent and curious, she asked,"Do you think it's safe to eat a few days after the "best by" date. Why she asked me, I don't know, since I'm not a biologist. I do, however, routinely dispense medical opinions,despite my total lack of medical credentials,so her query was reasonable. I opined "Probably." "L" told me I changed her life. She goes to BJ's half as often. She's eating last year's tuna salad. Her expired herring is delicious. I cried. I'm proud to say, I don't just talk the talk. I currently have in my pantry a can of Oceanspray Cranberry sauce stamped "best if used by September 2005." Do I jettison it? Of course not. It's a self serving suggestion by the manufacturer so that I'll toss the can and buy more. I may have reservations about serving it to guests on Thanksgiving, which is why it's been in my pantry since 2003, but one day, when I'm no longer on weight watchers, I'll try it.[If I'm found dead on my floor, please advise the Medical Examiner to check my garbage] This morning, January 8, for breakfast I ate the Acme whitefish salad stamped "best by November 2, 2013." I opened the brand new container because yesterday I finally finished the container stamped "best by September 12, 2013." The Friendship cottage cheese I will eat for lunch has a "use by" date of December 31. Based upon experience, I will be eating it until January 20. I'm not bucking for sainthood, but I'm thrilled to say I can now go to my grave knowing I have made a difference in one person's life.