Guide to Retirement-Part IV-Doctor Appointments

During your working years, you avoided doctor visits. You tried not to squander precious vacation time on rectal examinations. Things are different now. A colonoscopy can be a splendid way to wile away a few hours. In your excitement at this news, don't run to the phone and start making appointments willy nilly. You're engaging in a complicated endeavor. You need a modus operandi.
First, make no appointments before noon. This rule applies to all engagements, not just doctor appointments. You rushed for your entire working life. Why do it now? Relax. Sip your coffee.(See Guide to Retirement-Part III.)Afford yourself several leisurely hours to locate your glasses, metrocard, keys.
Second,no matter how delightful you find doctor appointments, limit yourself to one per week. If you erroneously schedule more than one per week, you run the risk of running out of doctors to go to. I recently slipped up and saw a dermatologist on a Monday and a cardiologist on a Wednesday. Fearful of a week looming without an appointment, I was compelled to secure a referral for 10 physical therapy visits to get me through any dry spells.
Third, the day of a doctor visit should be devoted solely to that visit. As a general rule, you should not plan on doing more than one activity per day. If you have a endocrinologist appointment don't argue with Con Ed about your overcharges. That's an endeavor for another day. If you're in Pintchik shopping for a new toilet seat, don't even think of looking at paint chips. Save those for tomorrow. In this manner, you will never run out of fun activities to do.
Fourth, make a list of all the doctors you will need to see. Start with your feet and work your way up your body. (This is also an excellent way to pack a suitcase.)Make up a plausible complaint that necessitates each specialty on the list. You have a stabbing pain in your fourth toe.Your knees hurt going down the stairs. You pee excessively. You're constipated. Podiatrist, orthopedist, urologist, gastroenterologist.Get a referral for each. You should have at least 10 to start. I know that's barely enough, but, don't worry, each specialist will refer you elsewhere and, if you're lucky, you'll end up with 35-40.
The above plan will do more to stave off dementia than sudoku and crossword puzzles. You'll engage your brain with complex scheduling and symptom creation and you'll exercise your body by walking to your appointments. You'll be so exhausted from the doctor appointments, you'll sleep like the dead. Whoops, bad analogy. You have a wonderful old age in front of you.
Caveat: If you are really sick, disregard the above and consult www.mayoclinic.com. You may actually learn something.